Dreaming Uncomfortably

I was with a man on a dock. I didn’t know him. I didn’t know where we were. There was a lot of yelling. Suddenly, the man said, “Someone’s being attacked by a shark!” Someone was. We pulled him out, but much of the meat of his left calf was torn off, and he was losing a lot of blood. There was a lot of yelling. The ocean was in a small room and we were on a bed. The shark swam away down a hallway, and the man who was there before disappeared. Just as the injured man was about to pass out in shock, an elaborate spinning device appeared hanging from the ceiling. It looked like the end of a giant screw, about 3 times the size of my head. It turned and began moving toward us at terrifying speeds. My heart was pounding and I backed up against the wall, knowing that there was no way out, trying to brace myself for the impact, which would surely kill me slowly and extremely painfully. Somehow, I knew that the device was sentient and intent on hurting us. Why? Who knows? I was screaming.

I woke up. My body burned under the covers like it always does after a nightmare and my eyelids struggled to stay up. It was 8:22. My adrenaline had woken me up, but I was still very tired. Kurt wasn’t beside me. I could hear voices of Worf, Data, and Picard, from the living room. Apparently Star Trek is his remedy for sick days. I fell back asleep, didn’t dream anymore, then finally pulled myself out of bed at 10:30. Star Trek was still playing and Kurt was sleeping on the couch. I wondered how many episodes he’d slept through. I wondered if it had affected his dreams.

 

The night before last, I dreamed that I just wanted to take a shower, but things kept getting in my way. I couldn’t read the labels on the bottles, there was tons of soap but no shampoo, the boy whose bathroom I was using decided to get in the tub, naked, and just chill with me. It wasn’t a sexual situation; it was just odd. I just wanted to shower. Then the water wouldn’t work. Then the curtain disappeared and we were in a room full of people, who all wanted to talk to me. 

I woke up and realized that I’ve had this dream before, but differently, and many times. More times than I can count, I dream about just wanting to take a shower, but nothing works. I try to take my clothes off, but I still have more clothes on. There is no soap or anything. The only shower I can find is a showerhead hanging from a ceiling in the middle of a giant room full of people. The water is too cold, or won’t come out. People keep trying to get me to go places and do things before I can shower. It’s so strange and so frustrating.

I talked to Kurt about this last night. He thinks I dream about this because it’s how I feel about trying to find a job in my field. I guess it makes sense. It very often feels like I am grasping at straws. I feel like I am doing everything I can to do a very simple thing, but it’s turning out to be very complicated and very difficult. I feel like nothing I do works. But I just have to keep trying. The world is not against me. I just haven’t been trying hard enough. Hopefully these dreams will go away once I can come to terms with the fact that the search for a fulfilling job that uses one’s skills, passion, and education is just as difficult for everyone else, and yet it does happen. Just… some progress would be nice.

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