You know what’s tacky? And in fact, the tackiest of all tacky things? Offering your unsolicited two cents on someone else’s relationship. Obviously, there are exceptions to this: Urging a friend with an abusive partner to seek help and try to find a way out. If you know for certain that your friend is in danger in their relationship, then you say something. That’s obvious. A real friend just doesn’t not say something. But that’s not what this post is about.
There are many reasons that people tend to interfere in their friends’ relationships when they don’t need to. There are many motivations. Such as…
1. Friend wants to be in a relationship with their friend and would never be at peace with whatever relationship their friend was in, no matter who it was, if it’s not themselves.
2. Friend has a need for control and doesn’t approve of one thing and therefore has to say something.
3. Friend has a different idea of what makes a couple ready for engagement/marriage and thinks themselves a marriage counselor, despite no training or education at all.
4. Friend has preconceived notions about the internet, the kind of people who frequent it, and the manner in which humans get to know each other and become ready for a relationship.
5. Friend just wants to watch the world burn??
6. (Rarer) Friend is ignorantly judgmental about certain types of people and cannot accept their friend’s partner for whatever deluded reason.
If you recognize any of these reasons in a friend, do not feel bad for ignoring anything they have to say about your relationship. It’s your relationship, not theirs. Nobody knows your relationship better than you do. No one knows the ins and outs of your relationship than you do. However, if you ever feel unsafe or unhappy with a partner and want an outsider’s opinion, a true friend will tell you their objective perspective, but only when you ask. I recognize that my friends’ relationships are not my business, so I keep my opinions to myself. If they ask for my opinion, or if they appear to be in danger, I say something because I care. But until that happens, I let people live their own lives. I just wish that everyone thought that way.