At some point in our relationship, I had Kurt read “The 5 Love Languages,” a marriage book by Gary Chapman. I had already read it before I met him, and felt strongly about it being very important to our marriage that we both read it. If you don’t know, in his book, Chapman outlines the 5 main ways that human beings give and receive love. Here is his website, which you should really check out, because there’s a really cute video on it. Also, if you watch it, I won’t have to list the “love languages” for you.
What I love about this book, as compared to many marriage books, is that the advice given is the exact same for men and women and explains that we both can receive love in all of the ways listed. No love language is more feminine or masculine than the other. So it works for everyone, no matter what kind of man you are or what kind of woman you are. Kurt is not the stereotypically macho man and I am not the stereotypically girly girl. And even if you are one of those kinds of people, this book still works for you too! I highly suggest that you take the quiz to see what your main love languages are, because it will help you communicate to your spouse, significant other, platonic friends, siblings, children, parents what kind of things make you feel loved, and why. Basically, it’s about learning what is most important to you at your core, what makes you feel valued. Once you can identify and communicate that, and learn all of your loved ones’ love languages, relationships will get just that much easier to navigate.
I’ve taken the quiz a few times over the last few years, and I always get the same thing: Words of affirmation. Words are extremely important to me. I’m one of those people who has to be told, “I love you,” “Your feelings matter,” “I understand what you’re saying,” “Thanks for working so hard,” “You’re beautiful,” etc, over and over. I already know these things, but it’s hearing them that’s important. It’s not that I’ve forgotten; it’s just that I want to know that you haven’t.
Kurt’s main love language is a tie between physical touch and quality time. He’s big on snuggles, kisses, and just sitting together and talking about our days. He hates when our conversations turn to stuff like money and moving. He just wants to relax together and be all cutesy. I’m not even kidding. It’s hard for me to remember that all of that cutesy stuff is just how he gives and receives love because that’s what makes the most sense to him. I think he’s rubbing off on me. I never really feel right when, after getting home from work, I haven’t gotten a Kurt hug yet. They make my day.
What’s your love language? What actions make you feel most loved?