Marriage Monday: The Kid Question

Kurt and I were still planning our wedding when my mom first asked me, “So when are you having kids?” I’m sure she was at least half joking, but it still threw me, as I knew it would be the first of many times I would be asked that question. For a while, I thought I was hearing it from everyone, but after a few months, I realized that there was a pattern. Everyone who asked about kids already had their own. I have plenty of young married friends, and none of them have asked me about kids. I have never asked them about kids. Because we already know the answer:

“I don’t know, maybe when we’ve had plenty of time just being a couple together, and when we’re not broke…” I haven’t exactly shouted to the world that Kurt and I were struggling in the beginning and only just now doing better, but I have off-handedly mentioned it a few times, so I don’t know how anyone would think that we’re in any position to be able to afford children right now.

I mean, we literally just got married. We are still getting used to living and interacting with each other. We need to get to know each other better first! But (more importantly?) there’s also the money issue. We are only just now getting to the point where we have money left over at the end of the month after all the bills. Who can think about kids at a time like that? I’d rather get my student loans and credit card debt paid off first. This is why I chose a form of birth control that lasts for three years, with literally no thought at all. It was around $1,000 but was covered by my insurance completely. It was hardly an invasive procedure, and I don’t have to remember to take a pill everyday, wear a patch every week, or get a shot every month. August 2015 will be six months before the method becomes ineffective, and that is when we will start talking about it seriously. The hope and the plan is that, by then, we will be financially stable enough to not only pay for our own living, but also pay for at least one child to grow up happy and healthy.

I intend to do everything in my power to make sure that any and all children I have in the future, whether I have one or five, are cared for in the best way possible, and if can’t afford to do that until I’m 30, then I’ll have my first kid at 30. I don’t think that parenthood is the end-goal of marriage. I don’t think raising children is the singular purpose in my life. I never have. I would love to have kids. I dearly want to have kids. Tons of kids! Kids who sprang from my loins and kids who didn’t. But I think I can still have a fulfilling marriage before kids. I’m in no rush. I want it to be the right time, because I want to be the best mom I can possibly be. I want to be ready.

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2 thoughts on “Marriage Monday: The Kid Question

  1. Same here. My wife and me decided to take care of the debt first. Our kids will thank us later. We are living on her pay, and we are using my pay to just pay off all student loans. That’s thousands of dollars saved in interest. Cos ee could absolutely use that money later in raising our kids.

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